07.24.25
I haven't posted in what must be several years now for I-don't-know-why. I suppose because, 'why would I?'. But after scrounging through pages and pages of defunct family blogs I suddenly have the urge to record myself. I start college in a few weeks, and I am nervous about so many things. It doesn't feel real to me, and yet it feels far too realistic to be what I have dreamt about for so long. Not getting to go to Portland truly feels life ending, in the dumbest way possible. I know I put too much of my hopes and dreams in to that place, but it feels as though I was so, so very close to achieving the life I have been longing for for so long and then I once again threw it away by being practical. Being realistic and smart about my decisions it seems has only brought me pain. I am still waiting for the supposed day it'll all pay off, but I lose hope each passing year and I find myself wishing I could knowingly make bad decisions. ...